Flawless

Everybody seeks perfection. That can not be argued. Society’s biggest flaw is that everything should be perfect. No flaws allowed. Personally one trait I always have had is being a perfectionist. This can both be a really good thin but also a really bad.

Many people don’t know what it really means to be a perfectionist so to sum up how it has affected my own life I can give a few examples.

I have order in everything.

An example can be found from my band. In my band most of the girls have a really excellent power of losing their sheet music (and it only takes them a week or two). For me that’s really impressive. This may be as I have three maps with sheet music myself. A map for music we are currently practicing a lot, a map for old sheet music we are currently not playing (which I have to keep as our conductor at some point decides we need to play it again and everyone else has thrown it away) and then I have a map for Christmas music.

I’m never late.

I know. Never say never (No, not Justin Bieber). Off course there can be an exception but I’d rather arrive half an hour early for something than ten minutes late.

When I was younger and sill in middle school this was really important to me. If had slept in and would be more than ten minutes late I would rather skip the first period and be on time for the second period. The thought of everyone looking at me and know I would interrupt the class was simply too much for me. And I know this make me sounds asa little whining girl, but the thought of being late almost made me cry of embarrassment. (Yes this is part of what it means to be an actual perfectionist)

Everything I create (bake, cook, draw, play etc.) myself is preferred as good qualityas it can be. Though this often mean that I’m a really long time at making anything. Whether it’s food, music or something else I follow the recipe, color inside the lines or whatever it can be.

CtXb15DWYAAqgl0 (2)

Even though I’m I’m trying to point out the good things I can’t help but also describe the flaws about it at the same time. But there is one thing about being a perfectionist that has hit me harder in the bad way than everything else.

I’m very self critical. And not just in an “this could be done better” kinda way. But as in:

Nothing is ever good enough!

And no matter how much people will praise whatever I did or try to convince me that it’s good, I still have a feeling that I could do it better. Or at least someone else definitely can do it better. Personally I think that this is my biggest issue about being a perfectionist.

Basically I’ve been trying very hard the past few years to work around my perfectionism. And I can tell it’s a lot better or maybe it’s better describe it as I’ve managed to shove the perfectionism a bit deeper down inside me and not let it fill so much in my life as earlier.

But one of the things I’ll do now to keep it down is list my flaws (some of them) and know I have to accept them. Everyone has flaws in it’s part of being human

  • I talk to much
  • I’m really good at making conversations awkward
  • I hide behind a facade because  it’s easier if people don’t like me
  • I rarely have an opinion when I need one
  • I almost never say my real opinion when I have one
  • I will not lose an argument no matter what
  • I have a REALLY bad temper
  • I’m indecisive
  • I like solitude a bit too much
  • I push people away when they come to close
  • I hate making big decisions
  • I’m a perfectionist

These are just some of my flaws. I know I have many other things but I don’t wanna bore you.

If anyone is reading this and can relate to it please feel free to comment what you think is your biggest flaws.

– Heidi Emilie

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s